Can you believe it?

I went for a run the other day and started making a mental list of all the things I wish I could tell you. It’s been two years since I lost you, and at times I still feel stuck in between worlds. The world I shared with you was very different than the world I now share with Jax. He’s starting to really blossom and I constantly wonder what life COULD have been like.

So, I’m writing this letter to you and for others, hoping it will help get me through the two-year anniversary of your death, the worst day of my life.

Many things have occurred since you passed and I’m constantly thinking, “I wish I could tell Justin that,” or “How could this have happened and Justin isn’t here to experience it?”

I’ll start off with something not so obvious.

One of your lifelong dreams has come to pass and YOU didn’t live to see it. Something we constantly wished for, prayed for, hoped for, but NEVER thought would happen has happened. In fact, if I told you I had tickets to see Guns N Roses in concert, you would probably faint. That’s right, they are back together. And even though it’s minus Izzy and Steven, it’s close enough. Can you believe it?

Your son is completely obsessed with pigs. Don’t ask me why or where it came from but he loves pink pigs. He got to pet one at his birthday party because we had a petting zoo. He walked around patting all the animals on the butt and then pulled a feather out of a duck. I’m pretty sure he gets this behavior from you, not me! LOL! Can you believe it?

I haven’t written a single song since you passed, but I do sing in a band with Ricky and Cody again(Fortag). We went to Alaska for three weeks and we are going back in July. Yeah, it’s that same place I was looking into booking us four years ago. You would love it there! Previous bands who performed at Koots put their stickers all over the stage area and two seconds before I started singing my first song I looked up and saw a Radio Daze sticker, front and center. How odd is it that! They were the first professional band you ever played with and their sticker was in eye’s view the entire time. I stared at it every night by the way. It made me feel like you were with me in some odd way. Can you believe it?

Your son looks like both of us. He has beautiful long locks that I’ve only cut twice and he does get called a girl all the time(That ALWAYS pissed you off). I put it in a man-bun a lot to keep the hair out of his eyes. I always loved it when you’d wear your hair in a bun. Remember when I had to help you straighten your hair and you’d fuss when I’d accidentally pull it? Well Jax fusses everytime I mess with his. Hmmmm, sound familiar?

Your amazing cousin Shelby and awesome aunt Lori are two of my “special people”. We kept in touch and stayed connected after that horrible day and they both came to Key West to watch me sing. Can you believe it?

Jax is so in love with your mother, I know how happy that would make you. She goes by Grammy and he lights up like a Christmas tree when she’s around. But THAT wouldn’t surprise you!!!

There are quite a few celebrities who have passed away since you. The ones that would bother you are: Robin Williams, Scott Weiland, Prince, David Bowie (AKA The Goblin King), B.B King, Wes Craven, Joan Rivers, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Can you believe it?

I like whiskey now and Dexter is coming back, can you believe it?

My brother got married to Becca!!!! He seems so happy and they live in Tampa. Can you believe it?

Your son took off in Target today. I was in the dressing room with him, trying on a bathing suit when he quickly rolled under the door and grabbed his birthday pig I had under the buggy. I wasn’t wearing anything but a bathing suit bottom so I ran out toppless, realized it, then grabbed my skirt and threw on a shirt as I chased him down the aisle. I’m sure someone had to get it on camera somewhere. So, there might be a video of me on Youtube chasing Jax half naked as he runs away barefooted in Target holding a stuffed pig. Can you believe it?

I could go on for days, but, for now, I love you, miss you, and you are constantly on my mind.

With Love,

Jess